051913 Kelly

My coming to Christ

            I have been in and out of church for most of my life. I remember going as a very your child, wearing the “Sunday’s Best” and receiving all the normal praises for my cuteness and innocence. Then I moved to a new area and being a little farther away from family, along with the increased necessary requirements of my mother, working extra to pay the bills with limited free time to do much of anything that was extra that didn’t include school or dance class activities. Getting older, and able to function more on my own, my focus was on that of “being a kid”, which didn’t include taking the time to get back into church, for any of the true purposes intended. We used it more as the social aspect to catch up on the week’s events and possibly make plans, never to really focus and take in what was being preached. While this time was a good meeting place, getting into the full aspects of high school routine and requirements, took me away from it completely and with said interactions, was really not labeled as anything being taken away or missed, so to speak.

The next church interaction I had was coming here and was completely immersed from the start of open arms and genuine welcomes. Everyone I talked to and came in contact with were all free of judgment or accusations.  No probing questions; just allowing me to be comfortable and an overwhelming feeling of “welcome-ness” into this new “family”.

For those that aren’t aware, I was married previously. That marriage ended as a result of me finding out about horrible lies, deception and acts, that seen by all parties affected, were unable to be forgiven. Those acts put a scar not only on MY heart and soul, but by those affected as well.  True and appropriate healing was not achieved by any of us that were affected until recently. We kept our hearts closed, held onto anger and despise for those that had a role in the wrong doings, and for me that list meant the inclusion of God.

I was angry that HE would allow this to happen, not only to me but to my family. I was sad because, it was by my association with this person, that these events were allowed to take place and place these barriers in our open, trusting and loving relationships. I was angered enough, that I went to the point of relinquishing any type of belief, for the fact that there was someone that would allow such horrible things to affect HIS people. That is up until these last few years.

Over these last years I have been here openly listening, allowing my heart to slowly heal and in turn allowing me to believe in trust, hope and love again. It has proven to me that no matter how horrible those past issues were, I was meant to go thru them. I was meant to lose those family members I was closest to. I was meant to have my best friend, whom I thought I would never lose in this lifetime, get mad enough to disown me because I became pregnant and she wasn’t successful. With all these issues continuing and becoming more and more stressful, I was brought closer to Mike because he was my support to get me through. Even though it wasn’t perfect, it was needed to bring us closer to allow us to be together in life during all the ups and downs dealt regularly, especially with all the medical issues that have arisen both during the pregnancies and following.

I have been brought back into contact with other friends from high school, that have helped me get thru some of the feelings of being stuck and feelings of losing my independence because of the seizures. I also have been blessed with contacts both thru here and at work that can say, “I know how you feel” to a certain extent as they have been dealt the same challenges to deal with on a daily basis.

I have all of these things now, including my 2 amazingly, wonderful and beautiful children, because of the plan in motion due to God’s will. I have grown to accept that it is not due to anything related to decisions that were made on my own. There honestly was a defining moment that was sort of the final kick in the pants realization and acceptance that God was talking to me and guiding me back towards his will. It happened thanks to a patient I took care of and his wonderful, loving and open hearted family.

I work in the ICU and had taken care of a man, by the name of Frank, every day I worked for the 5 weeks straight that he was with us. His health teeter-tottered back and forth greatly and in the end his family decided to not pursue any further interventions and just allow what was going to happen to take its natural course. I had developed a fabulous rapport with this entire extended family. I had enjoyed many 1-on-1 talks, with different members at different times, some of which just included listening and a hug to help heal their sadness.

It ended up that we were going out of town for a long weekend for a friends wedding. I stopped up to drop something off at work and ended up seeing family and paying another visit before I left. The family asked me to pray with them and I was honored to be included. I also felt as if I was a part of this family. I said my good-byes, choked up with tears in my eyes and went home to plan for our weekend.

The day started out horribly; the weather was awful with dark clouds, gloom, and thunderstorms. On the boat ride over the water was choppy and it made me feel very uneasy and nauseous. All of a sudden, the skies cleared to an amazing blue. The sun shone brightly. The day was gorgeous. I had an overwhelming peace wash over me. It made the day beautiful.

Upon returning to work, I was notified that Frank passed away. I found the funeral arrangement information and went to pay my respects. I found out while speaking with the family that Frank had passed away at that time while the Heavens opened up and showed themselves to me. It was as if the heavens were welcoming with open arms his soul that God had called home. He had done his work. He had raised 6 children in God’s word. He had answered his call. I didn’t get to keep the promise of him meeting Mike while taking us out for a drink. We will have to wait until we meet him again; when it is our time to be called home. My realization and acceptance was awarded to me with a jubilee, including full on fanfare in the form of the beautiful surroundings that presented themselves at that precise time, that God himself wanted to make it known and special to me! It was HIS moment of proof!

I do not claim that in anyway will I be a role model of what “should be”, as I am continually learning, changing and growing. I promise to try my hardest everyday to live by HIS word and bend to HIS will. I want to do right, I want for HIM to allow me, to set forth the path, in hopes for my children to follow. I could not possibly thank everyone that has helped me on this journey, including those that had to put up with the unrealistic hormonal mood swings. To my husband, children, parents, family, friends, coworkers and you, my church family,  thank you for your guidance, friendship, prayers and in general, time.

Ephesians 2:8

For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God

Psalms Chapter 50 :3-6

3 Our God shall come, and shall not keep silence: a fire shall devour before him, and it shall be very tempestuous round about him.

4 He shall call to the heavens from above, and to the earth, that he may judge his people.

5 Gather my saints together unto me; those that have made a covenant with me by sacrifice.

6 And the heavens shall declare his righteousness: for God [is] judge himself. Selah.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s